Aftershock

Fear- it’s a strange emotion. Recently, due to some unfortunate events, my friends and I went through a period of fear and doubt. Eventually, things went back to normal, rather, a whole new level of normal. Somehow, it seemed as though my friends and I were more bonded as a whole, and even though separations after school had resulted in being in separate cliques, I found that we were there for each other much more than we had been- even when we were together in school. My point here is this- Can emotions control the way we behave to such an extent? And if so, an emotion like fear, considered ‘negative’ actually result in something positive?

Emotions definitely determine a lot of the relationships we have with people. We act in a certain way depending on how we feel around a person, and our level of comfort with them. I personally, don’t think that emotions are the sole factor that one’s identity is based upon, although they do have a major role to play in the way an individual leads his life, his choices and their outcomes. After thinking about ‘negative’ emotions, like fear, and anger, I realized something. These emotions, if channeled correctly, do not necessarily have a negative impact on an individual and their surroundings. In fact, I would go as far to say that fear, in itself, is one of the few common factors that successfully unites people all over the world. It is a common emotion through various cultures, and can get people to act instantly, where a lot of other prompts might not. A basic example is the formation of the United Nations Organization. This was formed after world war 2- why? Simply because countries were so scared of another war and its implications. Here we see how countries with totally different ideals came together due to “fear” and channeled it in a positive way. Anger too, has proven to be the cause of outstanding performances in the fields of sports, pushing sportsmen to a limit they could not achieve otherwise. I’ve seen paintings, and poems, and beautiful ones at that, all painted and written in a state of anger.

Obviously, I’m not saying that it is necessary to be a victim of these extreme emotions to produce something of worth. However, I question the close minded view that these emotions are simply harmful to one’s being. Maybe this is me just being highly optimistic, but personally I feel that the aftermath of these emotions often result in something greater, like a strengthened friendship, that we might not have even experienced otherwise.

Hiddens

Today, I ended up talking to someone about self-deception. It started off as a simple conversation, about how we would work a lot over winter break, and try and finish all our assignments. We soon realized that we wouldn’t even get half as much as we had planned to do finished, and we were simply trying to make ourselves feel as though we would. Come to think of it, this could be simple procrastination- by claiming to finish everything over the holidays; we wouldn’t have to do it now. But where does this actually come from?

Logically, it seems so stupid to set up an agenda, you know deep down that you won’t mange to complete, and then be disappointed when you don’t complete it. And we do this in the simplest, most everyday things. It is often found that people make themselves believe something, convincing themselves it’s true to such an extent that they have completely forgotten that they initially lied to themselves. What I was wondering, was that is this ‘deception’ towards oneself really negative? Or could it have positive results too? For instance: a person sets out a goal for himself that he does not think he is capable of. He then convinces himself that he will manage to accomplish this goal. Believing this, he does not lose faith in himself, thinking he is worthless, but instead strives to achieve this goal as he believes he one day will. Surely this cannot be negative. Although, looking at it from a moral perspective, it certainly is bad to lie to oneself about certain things. People say that if one is continually lying to themselves, or “cheating themselves”, the end product will simply end up hurting and disappointing they themselves.

Both these being valid points- I don’t think there can quite be a distinguishing line stating that it is okay to lie to oneself in certain situations, if the lie motivated you, but not okay to lie in other situations which could be potentially harmful. To a certain level, self-motivation, even if a little exaggerated is certainly helpful, however, it cannot be pushed to a level of absolute untruth.

Note: This is based a lot on the assumption that “lying” in itself is bad.

Apps Schnapps

With US college applications just around the corner, I’ve been thinking a lot about why it’s so important to get into one of the top colleges in the states. Logically, most colleges in the US would provide one with a good education, especially at an undergraduate level. Still, I see people all around me applying to almost the same 8 colleges, all of which are ranked as the best. Obviously, I see the point in trying to get to one of the best if such a lot of money if being spent to go abroad, but looking deeper, I wonder whether some people just apply to these colleges because they are forced to by society around them- a society which indirectly states that getting into only these places of prestige is what determines success.

I see the underlying competition, the signs of disappointment when one finds out that someone with a higher predicted grade is applying to the same college, the insane stress levels and the doubt of a final acceptance. At the end of it all, I’m wondering, what is it that makes these colleges top-ranked anyway? How is it that one defines which educational institution is better? Even after establishing a constant way of judging the above, what makes us as students want to get into these so called top colleges?

I feel as though it is not just a self-motivated goal, but also a part of ourselves that needs to prove to everyone else that we are capable of going somewhere great. The name matters to us, as it makes us feel better and more accomplished and in a way superior to other people. I realize that these reasons make us sound like shallow human beings, however, I fell it is quite apt at this time especially to point out that a lot of our college applications are based on insecurities about ourselves.

Dysfunctionings (random thoughts contd.)

This is again related to dysfunctional psychology, only this time, it’s thoughts multiple personality disorder. I’ve always taken for granted that every person has an identity, some essence to define them by. It was only when I thought about this in greater detail that I noticed how baseless this assumption was. Take someone with multiple personality disorder for instance- that person would truly think they have more than one identity; does this not make them human? Or does this make them more than one human? Someone with no clear idea of their identity could well not be considered human at all by this assumption. Obviously this is not possible. But then what is it that distinguishes us from animals if not the fact that we are able to identify ourselves? I guess this could just revert back to the question of what exactly makes ones identity. Is it dependant on your thoughts or emotions, your memories, or is identity merely physical and bodily? Some even go to say that one’s identity is defined by what society views them as, which may seem crazy at first glance, but when you think about it, it’s often found that we do distinguish ourselves a lot by what others see us as. Now that I think about it, I’m wondering whether an identity is necessary at all, considering I can’t even define what this “identity” consists of…

Dysfunctionings

In psychology class, we have been studying dysfunctional psychology. We talk a lot about disorders like schizophrenia that involve severe hallucinations. I was thinking about this when I realized that schizophrenics experience reality in a completely different way from the way we do. What constitutes of their reality? What we think is reality is what happens to us in everyday life, and what we experience firsthand, out thoughts, emotions etc. but is this truly realty in its essence? An old Chinese saying (Chuang Tzu) goes as follows:

“I dreamed I was a butterfly, flitting around in the sky; then I awoke. Now I wonder: Am I a man who dreamt of being a butterfly, or am I a butterfly dreaming that I am a man?”

This just re-instates how reality is only probable, and can’t really be proved. As humans, who need a basis, we believe what we want to believe, and create our own realities so that we have some sort of security. For all we know, this would well be a dream that we could wake up from any moment. I wonder if people suffering from schizophrenia are able to experience life in a fuller manner, as they create their own reality differently, and obviously have more realities than us. This could possibly allow them to live in two or more worlds that could even be completely detached from one another. The use of drugs too, is self-induction of a reality, which is not actually the truth but can be eye-openers to life. I have heard about how people have produced some of their best works under the influence of drugs. Medically, this is not a reality, however it leads to a production of what could become a part of one’s reality. How do you distinguish?

I find it impossible to be able to judge what is truly real or not, because at some level, everything can be considered as constituents of reality and at another level, one can quite easily say that nothing is real.

:O

Whilst reading a book, a song started playing on my laptop. It was called “time won’t let me go” by The Bravery. I began to think about this line, and realized that we are inhibited by time to quite an extent. We talk of being free individuals, but what we forget is that we are often limited by time itself n the form of our past and future. In other words, I guess we could say that we cannot be freed from ourselves. A lot of the decisions we make in our lives, the paths we choose, are dependent on our past. The past plays an influential role in making choices, even though sometimes we do not want it to. For instance, after having fallen from a horse when I was a child, I can’t choose to ride a horse even today, out of fear from my past, even though sometimes I feel like I want to try riding again. The future too acts similarly, disabling us from always acting spontaneously and living only in the present moment. For example, if I wanted to not attend first block, (ignoring school rules and attendance) I am free not o, however, in want of getting a good predicted grade at the end of term, which in turn would determine my future at university, I am forced to go to class. In this way, the future, or rather the fear of not having one, has successfully stopped me from making a free choice to not go to first block. It is extremely hard to make decisions without thinking about the past or the future, and to live completely n the moment itself.

As for me, I’m not even sure if living only in the present is what’s best for an individual. Granted, it would allow you to take risks and behave more spontaneously than otherwise, but an entire life like this might end up being quite harmful, given that we live in a society where your actions have implications not only on yourself but on others as well.

Escapisms

Today I saw someone looking quite sad. Ten minutes later, I walked by him again and he seemed quite happy, but concentrating hard on his computer screen. I stole a glance at what he was doing and noticed that he was playing a video game, concentrating hard on shooting various targets.

It made me wonder- most of the things that make us happy are the ones that take us away giving us an escape from reality. Take playing video games for instance- people hide away in a virtual world where they can be who they want to be, with no pressure from society, behave the way they want to behave, kill who they want to kill, with absolutely no judgments. It’s as if you take on the identity of someone you want to be but can’t be in the real world, with none of your prevalent problems. But are these outlets of escapism really the way to solve ones problems? Does the momentary loss of your problem mean that’s its gone and you don’t need to worry about it anymore? Some people say that playing video games makes them forget about reality and when they are done playing, they feel a lot better without really addressing the problem, having already vented out their frustration. However, this is more suppression than problem solving. Still, it is common to see people who have been through a lot hiding themselves in video games, making realties which appeal more to them than their present state of affairs. Similarly, whilst listening to music or watching a movie, we are able to hide away in a song or story, where a reality is created for us. This reality is one we want, or something we relate to but are unable to express (which is expressed for us through the movie or song) and hence we enjoy doing these things.

In the end, a lot of the things we do for enjoyment are in fact ways for us to escape from pressing issues, enabling us to find an alternative happiness.

Empty ideas?

“….It’s the thought that counts”
“No. what’s the point of having the thought if you can’t execute it?”

I was sitting with a bunch of people when I heard two of my friends have this conversation. In my head, this brought up the question of the value of ideas and thoughts. I’ve often heard sayings like “an idea can change the world” or something on those lines. But are ideas of any worth if they are not made known? For an idea to “change the world” it needs to be put into practice, for no one would know about it if it were locked away in someone’s head. So which is more important- the thought or its manifestation?

An ideal argument would state that saying that without the thought, any sort of “starting point” would not exist. Then again, it can also be said that the purpose of this created “starting point” is nullified if the thought is kept within oneself with no visible output.

According to me, as great as it is to come up with original ideas and thoughts, acting upon ideas is somewhat necessary to make them more than just empty. I don’t mean that thoughts in themselves are always futile unless acted upon. Rather, the thought has more of an impact when it is executed, at least in the eyes of a viewer who is able to then concretely see its manifestation, in any form.

"we dont need no education"

I love Calvin and Hobbes. This one made me think.

Does knowledge just confuse you further, or does it enable you to act in better faith? Some people say that knowledge leads to complexities. Others say it makes life easier and it opens up more options to choose from. But I often wonder whether education as it is structured today is actually beneficial in the making of a holistic person. Do the things we study actually enable us to act or is knowledge ultimately paralyzing? I think that a lot of the times, the things we learn in school juts end up confusing us. For example, learning about ethics just makes one question themselves before acting. Not necessary a bad thing, however this might be taking one away from their basic instincts, forcing them to be someone they're not. It often seems as though education is a way of socially stratifying people, constructing ideas that might not always be true. ( but then, who really knows the truth?) Ultimately, I would assume that a basic level of education is necessary for someone to survive in society as it is today, but there is definitely a doubt in my mind as to whether ALL the knowledge we learn has a specific and useful purpose.

Hmm.

I’m back at MUWCI, and thanks to the recent turn of events, I’ve been thinking about relationships a lot. Maybe the reason people get into relationships in the first place is related to their personal identity. Being in a relationship enhances a sense of identity in both people part of that relationship- basically, it just makes both people feel better and more important about themselves. The pleasure one gets out of being with someone else is due to the fact that the person is given a stronger sense of identity and happiness, which is what that are in search for. When it comes down to it, relationships are purely selfish means to feel happy. The satisfaction one gets from another person providing them with a sense of completion is what allows one to be happy in a relationship. Why do people end relationships? After a point, when one of the people in a relationship is not satisfied, and they are made to feel a lack rather than a fulfillment, they feel the need to pull out of this relationship, in search of something else that would make them feel whole again. Break-ups hurt, because you’re left feeling empty, and the sense of identity that you once had is now gone, leaving you stranded and confused. At some level, I think it’s sad that another person can determine a part of your identity to such a great extent, however, if we didn’t allow people to become a part of us to a certain extent, then wouldn’t we just end us as stone walled loners?

This may seem a bit curt, but I see this happening all the time- it annoys me.

Bbay

Wow. I haven’t written for quite a while.

It’s project week at MUWCI, and at the moment I’m back home in Bombay. Last night, I went out with a bunch of my friends, and I realized how image-conscious they were. I guess after coming to MUWCI, I’d forgotten how the minds of people here in Bombay work. It seemed to me as though all they cared about was how they appeared in public, even if it meant walking around in heels that would probably be the cause of a two day foot ache. What’s weird was that, all these friends of mine, as I know them, are truly amazing people. But when it comes to going to a “fancy place” for dinner, they lose all their personal identity, as if transforming into these bodies that are identified only by the outside world. Last night, I questioned what makes up ones identity- whether it was what people view you as, your own personality, or a mixture of both. Or maybe it is something deeper- a soul? The existence of a soul is a whole other aspect that could be looked into. But last night, this concept barely crossed my mind- I more thought about why it mattered so much what people who barely know you thought about you, and even if it did, what exactly did this mean in terms on oneself? I can’t really come to a conclusion at the moment about this- but when I figure out what I think of identity itself, I’ll surely write some more about it. Right now, I’m still surprised with the extent that image seems to matter here at home.

...

I think this makes more sense than the one before.

Completely random, but it made me think:

I read this quote in a small book, called “Seeds of Light” - “Be grateful for all ordeals, they are the shortest way to the divine.” In its essence, the quote means that we should gratefully and graciously accept obstacles as they are the road to God. It made me wonder, is there a God? (the usage of God here implies a higher power, whatever that might be, not only in terms of specific religious gods, prophets etc.) When I was young I would pray almost every night, occasionally visiting the temple, because I was taught to do so. Now though, I find myself wondering, whom was I praying to that time? Is there really a God or Divine? Or is this just a construction of the human mind, to try and find an answer to the many unexplainable questions we have about life? Personally, I find it hard to believe that there is no higher power governing us- but then I think that maybe I’m just being escapist, as it is harder to live with the fact that we completely control our own lives. Thinking of a God, or higher force, for many is a comfort and a matter of faith. Increasingly though, we find questions arising in today’s world, ones like “If there was a God, then why….”. It seems as though people are losing their faith as the world advances, with new answers being found by science and developments. Again, this makes you wonder whether God does exist. I think I would call myself an agnostic- it is hard to come to terms with the fact that there is no higher force in the world, yet I find myself questioning my beliefs over and over, every time something happens to shake them.

Until next time, ciao.

Hi

This is my first blog post ever. Only because I didn't want to start out randomly, I decided to put this up.

Yeah.